To The Widowers

I know you are out there but no one seems to be reaching out to you. Left out in the cold as everyone huddles around the wives who have lost their husbands… but what about the husbands who had to say goodbye to their wives? You are men and so the world expects you to suck it up and keep moving, keep working, work through the pain. Few see you cry and when they do you quickly pull yourself back together because that’s what you expect of yourself. But the truth is, your heart is no less broken and you hurt no less than a widow. But you are passed by more quickly. Your pain is dismissed more quickly… and in many ways that makes the pain sink that much deeper and the loneliness hurt that much more.

For all the men who have lost the love of their lives, I see you there. I see you breaking. I hear you cry and I know the tears fall like rain when no one is looking. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to hurt more than you’ve ever hurt before. I’m so sorry this is the hand you’ve been dealt, it’s not fair. You are carrying the world on your shoulders and your back is getting tired. You have kids and now you have to be dad and mom, but no one can replace mom. You don’t have kids and now you wish you had that little version of her running around just so you could hold onto her longer.

Everything I talk about in my writing is for men and women, the widowed, the bereaved parents, anyone who knows this pain… but only 8% of my readers are men. Men are coping differently, finding other resources I suppose, maybe no resources at all. Maybe it’s because I call my blog Mommy Is A Widow, and men are not mommies. I don’t know what it is but I want you to know that I get it. I know the pain. Your challenge is different but your pain is the same. I hope that if nothing else, this can bring just a tiny bit of comfort to you. You are always welcome here. 


Published by

Becky Nolan

I a widowed mom to my young daughter. I lost my husband suddenly at the age of 29, leaving me with a one year old child to raise on my own. I live in Connecticut, where I met, married, and lost the man that I am still proud to call my husband. Every day I struggle. Every day I learn. Every day I am grateful for the time I had with him, and for the little girl he gave me before he left. I have found comfort and healing in writing. I have found purpose in sharing my story, knowing that so many others have been through it, too. Knowing that everyone has experienced loss and struggle. Words can be healing when they come from that deeply honest place within the soul. Grief is too lonely a road to walk alone, so I aim to give comfort and company on that lonely road.

6 thoughts on “To The Widowers”

  1. Thanks Becky! I don’t know how the women feel and we all grieve or cope differently. But having a good support group, faith in God, and someone to talk to besides your young children makes a huge difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad I found your blog. My wife died in May. I am now the dad and mom to three wonderful teenage girls. The pain, as you know, can be debilitating and is always intense. Thank you for recognizing me and giving me voice.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Becky. Thank you for recognising that widowers can be “left out in the cold…” and the expectations on us to just “suck it up” and “man up”.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I lost my wife this month, she fought a year against cancer and I fought with her, taking over the household, taking care for the children and still a fulltime job. Now shev is gone and it feels like falling in a dark hole. What do do now? What do people expect from me, being a man? To the outside world I smile and partake in the conversations, but it feels only skindeep. Inside im hurting like hell, but it feels as if im not allowed to grief like woman, to suck it up and go on. My world is standing still, but THE world is not.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My wonderful Beth and i were married on July 22,2017 i lost her on December 19,2017…today is January 10th church family and my family have been a blessing but i feel as if i have been gutted several times a day.I do not smile i am barely eating i feel lost and robbed.We were planning for 60 years not less than 6 months…..


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